


Forever (For Now)

by LuthienLuinwe



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Guilt, Insomnia, Nightmares, Remy Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 09:53:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19170886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuthienLuinwe/pseuds/LuthienLuinwe
Summary: Sometimes Remy understood why some people liked the night. It was quiet, he supposed. Not as rushed as the day when people were always running late to wherever the hell they had to be. Maybe the muted colors were comforting. Maybe there was a certain romanticism about it.And who ever would have dreamed there was a romantic aspect hedidn’tmuch care for?Remy has a rough night. Rogue's there to help.





	Forever (For Now)

Sometimes Remy understood why some people liked the night. It was quiet, he supposed. Not as rushed as the day when people were always running late to wherever the hell they had to be. Maybe the muted colors were comforting. Maybe there was a certain romanticism about it.

And who ever would have dreamed there was a romantic aspect he  _ didn’t  _ much care for?

He had left her alone in bed again.

He knew he couldn’t keep it up for too much longer before she realized something was off. That he wasn’t quite as okay as he always pretended to be.

He never had much liked staying after lines were said and lines were crossed and mistakes were made before he could even really know they’d happened in the first place.

Sleeping with someone was easy enough. Any idiot could do it. All it took was a will and a drive and a yes.  And the rest? Well. That had always come easily enough for him.

But sleeping next to someone?

Now that was one of the hardest things in the world.

Things had always been easier with her. At least…. They had been once upon a time. But wasn’t that how things always worked out in the beginning? So full of new and exciting things. Figuring each other out and a euphoric high that scientists only dreamed they could sell.

Figuring each other out had always been his favorite part. It was easy. When you could touch them. When you could figure out what made them scream and squirm. 

Maybe he’d thought it would be easier this time around. Easier with one of the variables thrown out the window.

But maybe it was easier to drown things out in sex and touches and pretty little lies.

Wasn’t that how he’d made it this far?

Bodies were easy enough.

Emotions, though?

Those were tricky. 

Hell. Sometimes he thought he’d be better off without them. No strings. No messes. No hurt feelings.

It had been easy at first.

Holding her close and smiling against her hair and muttering sweet little words that he’d said millions of times before that somehow seemed different with her. Like they meant something. Like they weren’t a means to an end he thought he wanted. Like maybe he was capable of something other than superficial charm.

She would fall asleep in his arms, and he’d watch her breathe. Slow and even. In and out. Peaceful. Relaxed. Words he knew didn’t describe him when his body reached its limits and  _ forced  _ him to sleep.

Because why the hell would he try and do it on his own when nothing good greeted him every time he shut his eyes for more than a second?

His left boot had been untied.

There were so many things he could have fixated on that night.

The screaming echoing in his ears.

Lying in a pool of blood that was only partially his own.

That damned voice in the back of his head repeating what he already knew.

_ Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. _

It was so much easier to remember that his left boot had been untied. Such a simple thing. A normal thing. Something everyone had dealt with at one time or another. Just a stupid shoe with a stupid lace that wouldn’t stay in a stupid knot.

He heard a door creak open, and he didn’t really care enough to glance over to see who else was up in the middle of the night.

Three guesses would say Logan, Kurt, or maybe even Summers, though he’d never own up to his insomniac tendencies. Even to the one person in the damned place that would understand, at least a little.

Sometimes he wondered if anyone unfortunate enough to cross paths with Sinister ever slept right again.

“Hey,” she spoke, her voice soft and even, and for a moment, Remy wondered if he’d fallen asleep out on Xavier’s living room couch after all. But a quick glance in her direction seemed to prove otherwise. Because there she was, pale as death in the moonlight, wearing one of his long-sleeved shirts and a pair of skin tight leggings.

“It’s late,  _ ma chere,”  _ he spoke softly, turning his gaze away from her to stare up at the ceiling above. “You should be asleep.”

“You should be too.”

He could hear her footsteps, soft and light but purposeful all the same, the sound of bare feet padding across genuine hardwood floors the only sound filling the space around them.

He hated what she could do to him.

How she could know something was up, almost before he could. How she could read him like a book and how she’d torn his guard down so fast it had been reduced to a pile of rubble by the time he’d realized what had even happened.

“Do you ever sleep?” 

He blinked and looked over at her, perched on the arm of the couch. Space if he needed it. An invitation if he didn’t want it. 

Had it been anyone else, maybe he would have lied. Said he slept when the mood suited him. That he slept when no one else was around. That he took care of himself like he was supposed to.

Lying was second nature to him.

Jean-Luc had taught him well enough.

The only way to get by in this fucked up world was to lie and to cheat and to steal and to screw everyone else over every chance you got.

Or at least that’s what he’d always been told.

But he couldn’t lie to Rogue.

He didn’t want to.

And didn’t that just make everything so much messier?

Because God above, it was so much easier to just tell everyone what they wanted to hear.

I love you (you’re convenient).

I’m yours (for the night).

Forever (for now).

I’m fine (like hell).

“Want to talk about it?” she asked, and he saw her gloved and twitch. Like she wanted to reach out and touch him, but didn’t know how. If she should. If she could.

“Non,” he shook his head and lay back against the cushions.

She moved away from the arm of the couch and lay against him He wrapped an arm around her body and held her close, breathing her in. Safe. Loved. Things he never thought he could ever be.

Things everyone else had told him he’d never be.

It was almost poetic, how perfectly her body fit next to his. How easy it was to tangle his fingers in her hair and listen to the rhythm of her breaths and how slow and steady they were to the constant noise that was always trying to drown him out.

To drown everything out.

She could never know half the shit going on his head. She’d run if she knew. And he couldn’t blame her for it.

_ Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. _

_ Monster. _

_ Devil. _

_ Player. _

_ Thief. _

_ Murderer. _

_ Whore… _

“I don’t…” he started, but trailed off, not sure where he had even planned to go with the words in the first place.  _ Deserve you. Know how to do this. Know what to do. _

_ Just tell me what to do. _

“I know.”

“I can’t…”  _ Make it stop.  _

“I know.”

“I…”  _ Think I’m in love with you. _

A soft smile.

A reassuring squeeze of his hand.

“I know.”


End file.
